so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
