He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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