I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
