I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
