He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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