D3 body, D1 cock
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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