she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
