Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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