My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
