dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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