I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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