So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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