Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
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my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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