he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
