i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
should my penis look like a turkey
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So much rum. So many feels.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
