I heard we made out
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
