Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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