I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
