I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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