Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
