I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
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I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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