Someone shit on the floor
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
