stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
