Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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