so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
