Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
