Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
