ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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