i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
