that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
