Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
