i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
where are my eyebrows?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
