You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
