I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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