I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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