dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
