so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
