Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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