I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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