I don't usually arrange sex via text message
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
