i love accidental penises.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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