my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
