new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
