there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
is that a dick in a sweater?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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