took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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