i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
