i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
