A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
