belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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