I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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