Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher

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(203): View more from Connecticut

the problem with open bar is i never know what to get

(781): View more from Massachusetts

did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."

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(207): View more from Maine

He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.

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(565): View more from

It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.

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(606): View more from Kentucky

Im calling him

(606): View more from Kentucky

was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember

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(702): View more from Nevada

I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes

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(804): View more from Virginia

I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way

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