Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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