just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
