You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
the liver wants what the liver wants
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
