my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
