just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
