we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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