No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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