im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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