You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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