His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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