i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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