so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We are two peas in an std pod
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
