you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
