The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
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It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
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I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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