you mean i was at the winter classic?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
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I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
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I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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