Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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