you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
