I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize