Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
