People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
