you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
