Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
