I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
