How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
