Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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