i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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