The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
