My sheets look like a crime scene.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
