Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
