I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
