I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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