Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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